Cobra Seance
by snake screamer
Summary: A sequel to Red Witch story 'Cobra Commander And The Bermuda Triangle' and (In Year of the Cobra) set after chapter 78. Crystall ball convince the others to throw a seance, how quickly they regret that decision. Rated t for swearing


Cobra Commander pulled on one of the old cloaks for the amusement park, magic show as Zartan and Destro lit the candles around the room. The flickering light gave the room a very ethereal feel. Baroness, in the meantime, was placing a black cloth over the large, maple table. she placed a silver candelabra in the center of the table.

"Looking good," Crystal Ball said as Zarana was lighting the candles on the table.

"Remind me why were doing this again, Cobra Commander growled

"You wanted idea, your employee didn't want another meeting, and I offer this suggestion." Crystal Ball suggestion

"Yeah but calling the dead and forcing them to tell us where there loot is, that convoluted even by our standards." Destro said

"Thank you!" Cobra Commander said "I don't know how you talked me into this, but I hate it!

"Look we need time to kill anyway since we sends the Dreadnok on a fools errand while Mindbender repairs the base." Zarana stated

* * *

"Waitaminute..." Buzzer said as he and the other dreadnoks were in the wild. "Crocodile aren't native to france!"

* * *

"I still can't believe those morons bought the excuse we need crocodile meat for the next plan," Zartan growled

"Well where Firefly, The Twins, that stupid turkey vampire, and your other brother? Why do we have to suffer this alone?" Cobra Commander snapped

"Zandar said he and Firefly found some equipment and needed the twins help verifying it while Bloodwing wanted to see how Mindbender was going to fix this dump." Zarana shrugged

* * *

"AGGHH!" Xamot and Tomax shouted as they were shocked

"I can't believe the mail man accidentally delivered these to us!" Zandar grinned as both were holding long range tasers.

"Best mistake, ever!" Firefly said as the two high-fived

* * *

"Are you sure it's safe to eat candy corn while creating Synthezoid worker to repair the base?" Bloodwing questioned

"Yes, quit bothering me!" Mindbender snapped as he ate candycorn like a anteater who just found the world largest anthill.

* * *

"Oh suck it up," Crystal Ball snapped "Just be happy Mindbender isn't here, demanding the ghost either tell him stuff about his ancestor or asked if they can fuck him."

"I regret telling you about our time living on the boat/submarine." Cobra Commander growled as they sat down.

"Spirit old, spirit dead, Hear me now and come on down, we need some cash and if you want to help baddies, come on down!"

"That the stupidest summoning chant I ever heard!" Destro snapped just as a female ghost appeared

"Who dare summon- Wait, is that my stupid descendant Anastasia." The female ghost squinted

"Great Great Great grandma Irena." The Baroness shouted

"Well this just got awkward fast." Cobra Commander stated

"Waitaminute, your the ghost my uncle Irving dated!" Destro said

"Your the sheepfucker kin?" The woman commented as she lit a cigar.

"Unfortunately," Destro admitted

"He's such a judgemental prick, he get on my case for pulling a Perkin Warbeck even though he's a pirate." The ghost said as she started smoking.

"Who's Perkin Warbeck?" Cobra Commander questioned

"Dude who masquerade as Richard of York, nearly succeeded in overthrowing King Henry VII of England." Irena stated "But does he mention I saved the Cisarovna name like Marshal Bernadotte of France saved sweden royalty noo..."

"Err... who's"

"Uggh, In the early 1800s the King and Queen of Sweden had no children. They adopted Marshal Bernadotte of France. Who became the first king of the House of Bernadotte who are still reigning today more than 200 years later." The woman groaned "Read a book."

"Are we really listening to an identity thief whore, really?" Zartan growled but yelped as he got backslapped by Zarana "What the hell!"

"Hey as a method actor, I gotta give props to someone who managed this level of deception!" Zarana snapped back

"Thank you! your alot more appreciative than my dumbass descendant." ghost stated

"I'm right here!" Baroness yelled

"I know" Irena stated "It's bad enough you fell in love with a man who's family has a huge mask fetish with at least one member really into beastiality, but your temper is atrocious, I know your a terrorist and all but still." Irena said

Baroness growled

"Oh and metal mask, tell your uncle that I wouldn't have framed him if he didn't act like a whiny brat for me refusing to make sex on top of alot of deadfish dressed as a sheep and destroyed m house in retaliation I may have been a prostitute but I have standards damnit."

"You know, I honestly thought I wouldn't like any of the Baroness relatives, but I LOVE this one." Zarana cackled

"Thank you! Her I like." Irena said

"BANISH HER ALREADY!" Baroness growled at Crystal Ball.

"Fine," Crystal Ball groaned as he sent the ghost away

"Damn, I kinda wanted to know what crime she framed that pirate ghost for," Cobra Commander stated

"Tough." Baroness sighed only for a hulking Cobra-la man to appear

"Oh gawd..." Cobra Commander groaned

"Relative of yours?" Destro questioned

"My ex-father in law." Cobra Commander groaned "Hello Cotton"

"So you pathetic excuse of a nadder," the teacher growled "Surprise to see me after you poison my meal! how the hell did you get an avodaco!"

"Avocado?" Baroness questioned

"Their poisonous to reptiles, and Cobra-la are descended from reptile AKA snakes, as such 43 percent of cobra-la populace will die if they eat that fruit." Cobra Commander said "I also threw in some poison hemlock just in case he was in the 57 percent."

"Wow, no wonder pythona divoced you." Zartan whistled

"You kidding? Whose idea do you think it was to kill that old jackass!" Cobra Commander stated "Her relationship with her father was horrible!"

"In retrospect, her being a honor student and saying her favorite subject was biology should have been a warning sign." Cotton stated.

"What wrong with biology." Zartan asked

"Well for one in Cobra-la Honor students dissect the body of dead criminal-" Destro stated only for a gasp to be heard

"HOW THE HELL DOES HE KNOW THAT!" Cotton snapped "HAVE YOU BEEN LEAKING COBRA-LA SECRETS!"

"What me! NO!" Cobra Commander shouted

"I knew I should have flunked you when I had the chance!" Cotton snapped

"He was your teacher too?" Zartan questioned

"Only for algebra!" Cobra Commander defensively

"But no! My only other option for a son-in-law was a man who couldn't even count to three, so that poor schmuck got sent to the pit of pain while you get a diploma!"

"Pit of pain?" Zartan questioned

"Oh it's a pit full of sharp-"

"YOUR BLABBING AGAIN! JUST FOR THAT I'M TELLING YOUR GRANDFATHER!" Cotton snapped as he disappeared

"Great! JUST PEACHY!" Cobra Commander snapped "I'm officially shutting this down before my Grandad comes and yells my head off for revealing only minor details."

"Wait, theirs one more guy, I think we got a winner here." Crystal Ball said as a ghost appeared

"That ghost looks familiar..." Baroness muttered

"Yeah, I seen him before." Destro muttered

"Who summoned the ghost of Wesley Grif." the ghost sad

"Wesley you bastard!" Crystal Ball snapped

"Uh-oh, hey boss!" The ghost groaned

"Don't hey me!" Crystal Ball snapped "It's bad enough you survived what happened at the transylvania castle, but I know for a fact you stoled my money!"

"Waitaminute I recognize you now! Your that romanian billionaire that died in the news!" Destro stated

"Great, another guy who stoled cobra money." Cobra Commander growled

"Hold on, if Crystal Ball knew him..." Zartan muttered "DID YOU WANT TO THROW THIS STUPID SEANCE JUST TO YELL TO THIS JACKASS!"

"YOU DAMN RIGHT I DID! THAT BASTARD STOLED MY MONEY AND MY HYPNO-SHIELD!" Crystal Ball snapped

"Yeah, that thing was great, i used it on future investor and they just gave me money, too bad I broke it..." Wesley moaned

"YOU BROKE MY HYPNO-SHIELD!" Crystal Ball shrieked "You utter bastard!"

"Say Wesley, I know your dead, but as your ex-boss, I demand to know if you have any swedish bank account and if so if you could give any numbers."

"Sorry ex-boss, can't do that!" Wesley questioned

"Why not?" Cobra Commander asked

"Kwinn visited me early this year and convince me that I should donate all my money to the mongoose corporation."

"I see... excuse me." Cobra Commander said as he got up and left the room. "RAAAGHHH!" they then heard massive crashing and how he's going to murder every living thing under the sun.

"Ah, Classic Cobra Commander... Well if that all, I'm leaving." Wesley disappeared

"Alright this seance is over!" Destro said, as he blew out the candles on the candelabra as Zartan and Zarana blew out the other candles around the room

"Wait, come back!" Crystal Ball stated "Their are other people who survived that I need to verbally abuse!"

"Screw that, If we keep this up, one of MY ancestor will show up and I already regret my meeting with that jackass Irving." Destro stated.

"Agreed, If I ever see Irena, it be with one of Mindbender anti-ghost inventions." Baroness growled

"What about you Zartan, Zarana, surely you want to stay and help. right?" Crystal ball pleaded

"Sorry, while I did enjoy Irena, I made far too many enemy that passed the veil as it were." Zarana said "I rather avoid my own potential shouting match."

"Same, last thing I want is a dead enemy saying 'Why you kill me! you bastard shot me in the knee, stop shiving me!' Just ain't worth the risk to hear that whining" Zartan said as both he and his sister left

"Great, fantastic," Crystal Ball muttered. "I was going to reveal where Vapor and Zero were, but now I'm going to keep quiet, that'll teach those jerks!"

(****Please leave a review and I hope you enjoy!)  
****


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